We are so lucky to have our clients! We may be boring accountants yet somehow we have managed to surround ourselves with people with personalities which we love to see strive. We like to think that they have mutual feelings for us, although BAS time does not bring out the best in us, boring accountants battling deadlines. We are out there doing what can only be described as stalking our clients to ensure that things are done on time.
Which is why it is very refreshing to get this below as a response to your urgent emails. Our very own Star Wars script featuring Xperion fighting the Evil Taxation Empire!!
Greg (the Witch Doctor from NRCHI Bodywork), thank you so much for this! You not only stick needles in us to fix us, you keep us entertained as well. It would be a shame not to share this with all our fellow nerd friends 🙂
For those suffering from BAS-iatis (the time when your boring accountants chase you with BAS info), NRCHI do awesome remedial massages as well so make sure you book yourself in.
Think Star Wars theme music and enjoy………..
It is a period of SBR
XPERION starships, striking from a secret base
have won their first Victory against the EVIL TAXATION EMPIRE.
During the battle XPERION spies managed to steal secret tax codes
to the Empires ultimate weapon THE BAS STAR
an armoured SPACE STATION with enough power to AUDIT an entire planet.
Pursued by the empires sinister tax agents,
Princess Petra races home aboard her starship,
Custodian of the stolen Tax codes that can save her people
and restore a tax haven to the galaxy
Various fire fighting between the two ships
Etc…… the Xperion starship gets damaged when presented with an order to pay an outstanding amount Notice.
FBTPO: Did you hear that? They’ve shut down our main deductions, we’ll be audited for sure.
There‘ll be no tax evasion for the Princess this time!
R&D2 Takes off down the hall way
Xperion fighters line up for the impending battle with the TAX Troopers. In the battle all of the totally unqualified accountants are no match for the superior Tax Determinations of the invading force
Enter Lord ARPA he sweeps down the hallway
TAX TROOPER: The BAS Star Tax codes are not in the Main Computer
DARTH APRA: Where are those Submissions you white papered
What have you done with those tax codes?
XPERION ACCOUNTANT: We tabled no submissions, this is a tax planning ship, we’re on a study tour mission!
Darth APRA throws the accountant on to the far wall
DARTH APRA: Commander, Data mine this ship apart, and bring me the head partner, I want her alive
Later R&D2 attempts to shimmy into a Small Business Entity
FBTPO: Hey you’re not permitted I there, it’s only for sole traders, you’ll get an adverse market valuation
FBTPO: Don’t call me a senior executive service! Secret submission, What Tax Codes! What are you talking about? I’m not changing my company structure!
FBTPO: I’m going to regret this
The SBE launches out of the battle zone
Auditor:There goes another one
Chief Auditor: Hold your analysis. There’s no instalment activity, it must have been a write down
As the SBE hurtles away with our odd couple
FBTPO: That’s odd the payment doesn’t look as big from out here
FBTPO: Are you sure this cheque will clear?
The SBE continues to fall towards Taxtooine
Later in the battle
Princess Petra is Captured and brought before Darth APRA
Princess Petra: Lord APRA only you could be so bold, the ICCA will not sit for this when they hear you’ve audited a chartered accountant.
Darth APRA: Don’t play games with me your highness, you weren’t on any probono mission this time, several submissions were beamed to this ship by Xperion spies, I want to know what happened to the tax codes they sent you?
Princess Petra: I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m a chartered accountant on a study tour to Aldraan
Darth APRA: You are part of the Xperion Alliance and a traitor, Take her away!!!!
TAX COMMANDER: Holding her might affect your derivatives, if word of this get out it might have an adverse effect on the entire stock market.
DARTH APRA: I have traced the Xperion Spies to her, now she is my only link to finding their taxation haven
TAX COMMANDER: She’ll bankrupt before she pays any arrears
DARTH APRA: Leave that to me, List a false IPO and tell the stock market that the company suffered a hostile take over
IMPERIAL AUDITOR: Lord APRA, The BAS Star Tax codes are not aboard this ship and no submissions were tabled. An SME was launched during the auditing but no activity was reported
DARTH APRA: She must have incorporated the codes in the SME, send an audit team down to go through the books commander, there’ll be no deregulation to stop us this time
Scenes with FBTPO and R&D2 Getting captured byThe job market
Tax Troopers have arrived on Taxtooine to find the SBE with a broken lease agreement
TAX TROOPER 1: There was something in the contract, the paper trail goes off in this direction
TAX TOOPER 2: Look sir deductions
Later in the movie
FBTPO AND R&D2 are being traded to ROB KINGWALKER by The job market
GMeru: Rob tell CEOwen if he gets a translator be sure they speak MYOB
ROB: I’ll tell him but it doesn’t look like we have much of a choice
CEOwen: I have no need for a FAQ Droid
FBTPO: Sir, not in a tax environment such as this, that’s why I have been programmed
CEOwen: What I really need is a FAQ that understands the Bank Statement Language of an Electronic Lodgement System
FBTPO: Lodgement System? Sir my first job was entering Quicken receipts very similar to your electronic lodge
CEOwen: Do you Speak MYOB
FBTPO: Of course I can, it’s like a second language for me
CEOwen: Alright shut up, we’ll take this one
CEOwen: Rob, take these two over to the office I want then analysed before dinner
ROB but I was going to go in to the national institute of accountants to pick up some input tax credits
CEOwen: you can waste time with you friends when your chores are done
ROB: Ok come on, and the red tape one too.
Suddenly the red tape had an adverse high court ruling
ROB: CEOwen!This red tape has a bad legislative justification
CEOwen: Hey what sort of a Ponzi scheme are you trying to push on us?
Later in the Practices, Filing Area
FBTPO: Thank the Medicare levy! This profit and loss is going to feel so good. I’ve got such a bad case of over reporting, I can hardly move
ROB: It just isn’t fair! HECS is right, I’m never going to get over my debt!
FBTPO: Is there anything I might do to help?
ROB: We’ll, not unless you can bring forward some deductions, do an adjustment or get me to the Caymans
FBTPO: I don’t think so sir, I’m only a FAQ Droid and not very knowledgeable about such things, not in the tax jurisdiction anyway, as a matter of fact I’m not sure if I’m in an agricultural tax rebate zone?
ROB If there is a branch in your Central banking system your in the Location that has cut The most staff
FBTPO: I see sir
ROB: Uh, you can call me Rob
FBTPO: I see Sir Rob
ROB: No, just Rob
FBTPO: And I am FBTPO Frequent Asked Questions, and this is my counterpart R&D2
Rob starts to work on R&D2
ROB: You’ve got a lot of cash in hand here, looks like you boys have seen a lot of transactions
FBTPO: With all the revenue we’ve been through it’s amazing we’re in as much solvency as we are. What with the tax evasion and all
ROB: You know the tax evasion against the empire?
FBTPO: That’s how we came to be needing your service
ROB: Have have you been in many audits
FBTPO Several I think, actually there’s not much to value add, I’m not much more than a Listed security and not very good at money laundering, well not at very large amounts
While cleaning a bit of rob stumbles upon the Princess Petra recording as he is doing some work on R&D2
Image of Princess Petra gets projected on to the floor
Princess Petra: Help me ABN Kenobi you’re my only hope!
ROB: What’s this?
R&D2 chirps up
FBTPO: What is what? He asked you a question. What is that?
Princess Petra: Help me ABN Kenobi you’re my only hope! Help me ABN Kenobi you’re my only hope! Help me ABN Kenobi you’re my only hope!
FBTPO: He says it’s nothing, just an old ITR, Pay it no mind
ROB: Who is she? She’s beautiful
FBTPO: I’m afraid I’m not quite sure,
Princess Petra: Help me ABN Kenobi you’re my only hope!
FBTPO: I think she was a passenger on our last voyage. An accountant of some importance, sir I believe. Our practice was attached to
ROB: Is there any more of this reporting
FBTPO: Behave yourself R&D2 you’re going to get us into trouble you can trust him he’s our new accountant
R&D2 gives a long series of chirps
FT3PO: He says he’s the property of an ABN Kenobi, a resident of this tax jurisdiction and it’s a private message for him. Quite frankly sir I don’t know what he’s talking about. Our last accountant was CPA Antilles, but with what we’ve been through this little R&D2 unit has become a bit eccentric
Later on R&D2 has run away Rob and FBTPO are on the hunt for him in their PAYG Speeder
ROB: Hey whoa, where do you think you’re going?
R&D2 chirps up
FBTPO: Master Rob is your rightful accountant. We’ll have no more of the ABN Kenobi gibberish. And don’t you talk to me about your Tax rationalisation either. You’re fortunate that he doesn’t give you a low income tax offset.
ROB: No that’s ok
R&D2 starts jumping around whistling and screaming
ROB: What wrong with him?
FBTPO: Oh my… sir, he says there are several family trusts approaching from the southeast. ROB: Self-managed super fund! Or worst! Come on, let’s have a look. Come on.
ROB and FBTPO stand on a ledge looking at the family trust in the distance
ROB: I can see some Bankers down there but, no wait I see them It’s super funds Alright
Suddenly Rob is slapped with a superannuation guarantee request and is knocked out
A shadowy figure arrives and the request rushes off much to the relief and fortune of our hapless hero
ROB: What happened?
ABN Kenobi: Rest easy Son you’ve had a busy day. You’re fortunate you’re still got your company structure.
ROB: BN, BN Kenobi, Boy am I glad to see you
ABN Kenobi: The capitalist wastes are not to be travelled lightly, tell me young Rob, what hedges you out this far?
ROB: Oh this little deduction, I think he’s searching for his former accountant, but of never seen such devotion in a deduction before. He claims to be the expense of an ABN Kenobi is he a relative of yours do you know who he’s talking about.
ABN Kenobi: ABN Kenobi, ABN! Now that’s a name of not heard for a long time, a long time
ROB: I think my business partner knows him, he said he was bankrupt?
ABN Kenobi: Oh, he’s not bankrupt, not yet
ROB: Then you know him?
ABN Kenobi : Well of course I know him, he’s me! I haven’t gone by the business name ABN since before you were a start-up
ROB: Then the deduction, does belong to you
ABN Kenobi: I don’t seem to remember ever having that expense, very interesting!
The sound of a super fund with a bad CDO carries from off in the distance
ABN Kenobi: I think we better get to a get indoors, the Super funds are easily startled, but they will soon be back and with inflated numbers
R&D2 Chirps up
FBTPO: Where am I? I must have taken a bad investment?
ROB: Can you operate we’ve got to get out of here before the Superfunds Return
FBTPO I don’t think I can make it. You go on Master ROB there’s no sense you risking your business on my insolvency.
I’m done for!
ROB No your not, what sort of a business plan is that. Now on the move
Later in ABN’s House
ROB: No my father didn’t act on behalf of a multinational company, he was a small time accountant in a backward town.
ABN Kenobi: That’s what your business partner told you, he didn’t hold to your fathers creative accounting, thought he should have stayed here and kept in the tax guidelines
ROB: You were involved with the Panama Papers?
ABN Kenobi: Yes I was once a KPI Knight, the same as your father.
ROB: I wish I’d known hiM
ABN Kenobi: He was the best accountant in the galaxy and cunning tax returner, I hear you’ve become quite a good accountant yourself, which reminds me. I have something here for you.
Abn gathers something shiny Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your business partner wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old ABN on some damned-fool idealistic instalment activity statement your father did.
ROB: What is it?
ABN Kenobi: It’s your fathers XERO SABER! This is the weapon of a KPI Knight, not as clumsy or as random as a spreadsheet
ABN: An elegant weapon for a more civilised age. For a thousand generation the KPI knights where the regulators of the tax system in the old republic. Before the dark times, before the Taxation Empire!
ROB: How did my father die?
ABN: A young KPI named DARTH APRA who was junior of mine before he over regulated, helped the Taxation Empire hunt down and rule out shoddy deductions, he betrayed and audited your father. Now the KPI are all but extinct…… APRA was seduced by the dark side of the financial year.
ROB: The Financial Year?
ABN: The financial year is what gives a KPI his power, it an activity period created by all financial transactions. Its expenses and revenue, it binds the GDP together.
ABN goes to R&D2 and an image of Princess Petra is broadcast on the table
Princess Petra: CA Kenobi years ago you help my father set up his company in in a low tax jurisdiction. Now he begs you to help in his struggle against the taxation empire, I regret my study tour has fallen under excessive regulation and my mission to bring you to Alderaan has met with an adverse balance sheet. I have placed vital tax codes in the receipt record on this deduction, my father will know how to enter it in to the Tax Agent portal. Help me ABN Kenobi, you’re my only hope!!!
ABN: You must learn the ways of the financial year if you’re to come on a study tour to Alderaan!
ROB: Alderaan? I’m not going to Alderaan. I’ve got to go back to the practice. It’s late, I haven’t put my time sheet in as it is.
I need your help, ROB. She needs your help. I’m getting too redundant for this sort of thing.
ROB: I can’t get involved! I’ve got a return to do! It’s not that I like the taxation empire. I hate it! But deductions are slim pickings right now. The next QTR is such a long way from here.
That’s your Business Partner talking.
Oh, God, my Business Partner. How am I ever going to explain this?
Learn about the financial year, ROB.
Look, I can take you as far as the ATO. You can get a transport there to Monsack Fonsecca or wherever you’re going.
You must do what you feel is right, of course
End of instalment one
Get ready to hear in instalment 2 about the meeting of ROB, ABN, FBTPO and R&D2 at Monsack Fonseca Space port with TFN SOLO and NRCHIBACKER in the continuing saga against the EVIL TAXATION EMPIRE
GRAND MOFF TAXMAN
THE COMMISIONER of the reserve bank
THE NEGATIVE GEARING FALCON